Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
