Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
