and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
