im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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