there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
