lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
