When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
