why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
