We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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