you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
