The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
