dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
