You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
