You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
