It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
