btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
