I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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