Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
