I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
