We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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