Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
