The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
