Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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