A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
