rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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