just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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