Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As shirtless as possible
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
