Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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