i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
