It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
