Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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