Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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