i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
