My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
