Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
the raccoons are back...
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