I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
