you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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