My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
