and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
