dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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