11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
