Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
