I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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