mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drake has all the answers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
