He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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