He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
