I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
