Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
