girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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