i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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