GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
