Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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